☤┆— ❪ abittangledup ❫

her eyes never left his face, fixated on him like he was on the moon. one could
assume that artemis might show up any minute and slap him so hard across
the face he saw pegasus’ running circles round his head. but it wasn’t artemis
or the moon he was thinking about, it was some damned topic that he wouldn’t
share with her for anything. and they shared everything. but now wasn’t the 
time to pry about that. they’d had such a great night so far. sneaking around 
the camp like they owned the place - and they did practically own the place. her
own thoughts stopped when she watched his hand travel over his scar, brows
furrowed and she sighed. he was thinking about THAT again. “luke…” she 
murmured, the hand closest to him raising to cover his own. cautiously trailing
her index finger behind his over the raised skin. she thought it was noble, 
beautiful even. a reminder that even though they were half god - they were all
still very mortal. it was poetic and not about his failure at all. “alright… a little 
longer…but if we wake up the entire cabin you’re taking responsibility for the
‘talk’ this time. and you know how much mr. d likes talking about the birds and
the bees.” the silence falls between them again, and she thinks maybe he’s 
so lost in thought in thought this time it would slip right out - “whatcha thinkin’ bout ???”

_{her touch is enough to make him drop his hand, stomach churning at the thought of being caught in such a private inner moment ( but all his moments are private, now — shared only between luke & the other ; the one who preyed upon him ; the one who is right & who is going to fix all that is wrong with the current status quo ; the one who is going to get his family back ). a flash of hot irritation aimed at himself ( careless boy! ) & a slight twist of his shoulder, as if to move himself away from liz ( he’s just going to end up hurting her ). boys like him aren’t built for happiness ; they’re built for pain & anger & fear & destruction ; they’re cataclysmic ; they’re crimson — if they don’t have a war to fight in, they’ll make it themselves. their bodies are weapons, honed for mass-destruction ; slaves & soldiers to the fight, the only thing they know, their only stability. happiness is not to be found in luke castellan’s short life : he knew that when he was nine & he ran away from home ( from his mother ; from the only person he cared about ), leaving her to her own madness ; he knew that when he was fourteen, & the girl with whom he’d chanced something was betrayed by her father, dashing the hopes he’d so dared to raise. & he knows that now, sitting here with a redheaded girl next to him, his brothers & sisters & other indiscernible relations asleep in the same room. no ; luke castellan has long known he is not destined for happiness ( he’s destined for something more ).} 

_{❛     i’m thinking about —     ❜ how he won’t sleep tonight ; how he’s going to start it all ;  how things are going to be different ; how, if he can’t be happy, he can at least be important. ❛     — the weather. in camp. it’s always sunny … not much use for practising real fights.      ❜ fights in rain, hail, snow, sleet, mud ; fights covered in blood ( not yours, not the enemy’s, but your friend’s ) ; fights where you know you’re going to die but you have to keep going because you’re a warrior ; you’ve been taught not to give up even though you know it’s futile ; even when you know the lines between brave & stupid have been blurred & you’re no longer sure which is which. no ; the conditions at camp have never been accurate. ❛     just seems … an oversight.     ❜ the entire camp not noticing something is wrong with the cabin eleven counselor is an oversight.}